I am there

This is a picture of me and my Grandma, and this I think was read at her funeral.







I am there

Look for me when the tide is high
And the gulls are wheeling overhead
When the autumn wind sweeps the cloudy sky
and one by one the leaves are shed
Look for me when the trees are bare
And the stars are bright in the frosty sky
When the morning mist hangs on the air
And shorter darker days pass by.

I am there, where the river flows
And salmon leap to a silver moon
Where the insects hum and the tall grass grows
And sunlight warms the afternoon
I am there in the busy street
I take your hand in the city square
In the market place where the people meet
In your quiet room - I am there

I am the love you cannot see
And all I ask is - look for me.

By Iris Hesselden

My Dad

Today Ellie and I went to visit Mamar as Ellie calls Grandma and Grandad. Joe had gone to the cinema with Andy.
Dad has deteriorated so rapidly it seems, I think of what he was like this time last year and it seems a million miles away!
He now just keeps wanting to go home to Bromsgrove where he lived as a child and doesn't recognise the house he has lived in for the last 42 years. He lives in a world he doesn't remember and he is anxious alot of the time. I try putting myself in his shoes and what a scary journey it is as it will only get worse.
Ellie will never no Grandad without Alzheimer's, she will never know the person he was. She loves him unconditional, and her face lights up when she sees him, and he loves to see her. He loves to see all his Grandchildren. Ellie helps to take his mind off things when he does get anxious, and she loves him to do round and round the garden, and row row row your boat.
This awful disease, is slowly taking my Dad away and I don't want to forget what he was like, the man he was.
I can remember when I was going through a really tough time, the week before I left my husband, my Dad spent most evenings sitting outside my house checking I was alright, he gave me a feeling of being protected and loved. He was the one who took me to the solicitor, and was my taxis service, bless him.
When Wendy borrowed his car, we were going out for a drink, we had to phone in every 15 minutes to let Dad know that we were alright, in the end we couldn't stop laughing, he was always being protective of us and his car!
Lets try and live for the moment!!!

Miracles

One of my little miracles, well if you asked Joe he would say big rather than little as he celebrated his 5th Birthday yesterday!Where have the five years gone? I can remember the evening he was born,it had seemed at some points quite a long pregnancy with me having to have and N.J tube due to hyperemesis, an interesting experience!



Joe came into this world at 8 minutes past 11, we couldn't wait to meet him. He was born a fighter, wanting to get the most out of life and he still does today.



At this time 5 years ago, I didn't have Joe with me, from about 5 minutes after delivery he had be rushed down to intensive care as he had stopped breathing. We were numb struck! His left lung had collapsed and his right one didn't look to great either. I saw him at 1 in the morning in intensive care, he was huge compared to the other babies as they were prem. Joe never lost his birth weight, and to the amazement of everyone he was well enough to come out of hospital a week later on my birthday, the best ever birthday present , nothing will ever compare to that.It has been a an adventure seeing him growing up and to see he develop, I love him with every fibre of my body and will do forever! We have the saying I love you more, and Joe always says more than icecream and so it continues!


Every day with Joe is full of life, he lives it to the full and is so excited by it! What a wonderful way to be! As I say that, it is 6am, he didn't get to bed until late and he has just come down. He is excited about going to Jenny P's today. He is sitting on my lap give me lots of kisses.

Life is a miracle lets make the most of it!